He brought me something red ON Christmas Day. Prick. I was hoping for a miracle baby like I do every month. We are still trying naturally as we wait to figure out how to finance several more rounds of IVF. Earlier this month we even went on a tropical vacation and relaxed (for a friend’s wedding). I quit my stressful job of working with small children the day before we left (stupid to take that job to begin with, I know) and had just signed on to a new job making a lot more and working less hours. It was the least stressed I have been in over a year.
Next time I ever hear someone use the phrase ‘just relax and go on vacation’ I will not refrain myself from slapping them silly.
Next step is an appointment with an RE in our new city here. I’m not expecting a whole lot since their clinic has only been up and running for a few years. They’re the only local one and they give employees a discount. So it’s worth visiting. At the very least I need scrips for more pain meds as I’m running out.
We do not have any fertility insurance coverage here and that really sucks. Even the insurance we have for covered services sucks. I keep telling myself we have less than two years left here, but by then, it may be too late for us.
Menopause does not wait while we’re making plans. It’s so frustrating that in two years we can afford treatments, but by then my ovaries may have shut down completely. Provided my endo doesn’t destroy them before I run out of eggs. I’m actually a little worried about what endo has been doing to my insides. It’s getting worse. Much worse. But I absolutely refuse to do surgery again, so time for me to just suck it up.
I’ve spent countless hours researching different places. It’s so frustrating because each place tells you something different. Except of course that with my high FSH I need to be doing something NOW. They all can agree on that. Only, again, lack of money is preventing us from trying. I’ve even looked in to scholarships and discount programs. But of course with high FSH I do not qualify for most of them. Even in the infertile world I feel discriminated against.
My biggest debate right now is whether to do full out max dose meds or to try mini IVF where I just stim with clomid. My reason against the heavy protocol is just that, it’s heavy. And expensive. And painful. And only resulted in three eggs and one embryo. On the mini end of it, my body liked clomid. 3-5 follicles each time. I’m just so torn; I don’t know what to do. And I’ve talked to doctors on both sides of the fence. I just want to store up as my embryos as I can since I know we don’t have much time left. I just don’t know the quickest route to achieve that.
Outside of all the infertility crap I’ve been doing better. Happier than I’ve been in a while even. I’ve been making friends and getting out and about in our new city. It feels like home here. I feel settled and comfortable. Now if only we could make our little family a little bit bigger….
