It Wasn't Supposed To Be....

We made our big move a few weeks ago. It’s been quite the transition.

My Husband had exactly three days off from his last day there to his starting date here. Obviously that doesn’t leave a lot of time to move. The whole process was actually a lot smoother than I thought it would be. We had a couple awesome friends of ours that helped us move by loading up there, driving one of our cars, and helping unload here.

I haven’t yet been able to land a teaching job and likely won’t be able to in this community. I will substitute teach, but I still have almost two months off before I’ll start. This leaves the unpacking mostly to me. I’m so tired of looking at cardboard boxes I could scream. There are a few rooms I have pretty much put together as I want them. The two bathrooms, the kitchen, and the balcony are done. We have a rather large balcony and so we purchased a little patio set and plants and it has become my little retreat when I need a break.

We still have our bedroom, the living room and the second bedroom. Our bedroom isn’t done because we still plan on painting. The living room won’t be done for another week as our furniture hasn’t arrived yet. We decided when we moved that it would the perfect time to sell our old furniture and buy new ‘adult’ stuff since we were tired of looking like we still lived in a college dorm. The set we picked was of stock so they had to build it new. That’s awesome, except for waiting for it to arrive. Hello, camping chairs! The second bedroom will be our office. I have a huge mental block to putting that room together.

It was supposed to be our nursery.

Had our one little embryo hung in there, I would be decorating the room for our future child. I hate going in our office. Every time I do, I keep picturing a crib and changing table. It makes me so incredibly sad. I’m hoping time will ease the pain. We were so busy preparing for our move after our second failed IVF I never took the time to really grieve our loss. I didn’t even cry when we found out. The grief really hit about a week after we moved. I spent several days in tears and not wanting to get out of bed. I’ve had some good days since, but it’s still hard. Still sad. Still not what I pictured for our life.

So many of the girls I follow have finally received their hard earned BFPs. I am so happy, but just can’t comment as I have no idea what to say. I still follow everyone, just more as an observer.

Hoping one day it will finally be MY turn.