To Tell Family or Not to Tell.......

As with many infertile couples we have struggled with the dilemma of whether to tell our loved ones or not. And if we tell them, what do we tell them. I will try my best to explain our choice and why.

Personally, I am a very private person. When I was diagnosed with endo we had no idea what was going on prior to the exploratory lap.

My Husband is from a very small town. Being from a small town, news travels very quickly. Especially since my MIL likes to talk. A lot. So of course pretty much everyone she had ever known soon knew that I was having surgery. And of course when people find out, they want to know the outcome.

I was completely mortified. Not because of my diagnosis. Nope. It had to do with the fact that most people don't understand endo and of course want to know the details.

Discussing my lady parts is not something I care to do with people I hardly know.
But then why blog you ask?

I need an outlet. My poor husband can only take my ramblings so much as he has a ton of things he is dealing with professionally right now. And I like that I don't have to tell people my name or even where I'm from.

Because with infertility, it doesn't matter who you are or where you're from. We're all in this together.

Coming back to who to tell or not to tell. 99.9% of the people we know do not even know we are trying. When asked about starting a family we give the excuse that we want to get settled first. We haven't been married that long and we both need to get some things figured out professionally. So for now, the comments have been pretty minimal which has been nice.

Now, there are a few exceptions. One is our closest friend that has been sworn to absolute secrecy. She's great in that she hasn't once asked about how things are going. And all she knows is that we started trying almost a year ago.

Another exception is my sister. I needed her help one night with an injection as I couldn't bring myself to do it and my Husband was out of town that night. She's younger and seems to be rather uncomfortable with infertility discussions so I keep my explanations short and to the point.

So why not tell our families? Well, as previously mentioned my Husband is from a small town. I don't trust his mother to keep quiet. She admittedly has a hard time keeping secrets.

I don't tell my family because, honestly, my mother stresses me out. She tends to be overly dramatic and doesn't usually help the situation. My brother and his wife struggled for three years to get pregnant and I didn't appreciate some of the comments she had made.

They got pregnant on their own and at that point it was completely unexpected. Although, instead of taking the time to find this out, my mother started making comments about 'test tube babies'. And even though we hadn't started infertility at that time, her comment really bothered me.

So, here we are. In our own little cocoon. At times it's stressful, but I am still so happy we made the decision not to tell. It works for us. Do I miss out on some potential support? Possibly. But I prefer the support I find in cyberspace. I like knowing there are others out there that get this process.

To tell or not to tell, only you can decide.