<sigh>
IVF #6 is officially cancelled.
Not 100% sure what happened. I knew something was wrong after seeing my monitoring results this morning. The ultrasound showed my follicles didn't grow from Wednesday. And my lining only increased from 6.3 to 7.6. My E2 was 2500???!!! That's way up from 300 on Wednesday. Perhaps the tamoxifen did something crazy to my body? Lh dropped to 11.2 and my progesterone jumped to 1.22. I'm on the doctor's call list for Monday. According to the nurse I spoke with tonight Dr. Y was concerned about my progesterone level. He gave me the choice of going ahead if I really wanted, but he recommended I cancel. So I will trigger tonight and start provera Monday.
I'm so frustrated right now.
Lilypie Trying to Conceive Event tickers
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Friday, November 15, 2013
IVF #6 Frozen Embryo Transfer
I am currently underway with IVF #6. We are doing a mostly natural frozen embryo transfer.
My doctor suggested trying another transfer after our recently failed cycle. His thought was my lining may not have been receptive enough for implantation. He suggested taking estrace and doing an endometrial biopsy on CD 5. Prior to this phone call my husband and I had discussed taking a break and instead do testing for immune issues. I know I have endometriosis and often times that can carry with it additional immune issues. We have decided to hold off on the immune testing and try one more transfer.
CD 3 my labs were off a bit. My E2 was really high at 145. Although, my antral follicle count bounced back up this month and was at a respectable 16. I started taking estrace twice a day.
CD 5 was endometrial biopsy. I have a history of cervical stenosis. The last time I had a laparoscopy for my endometriosis the doctor did a cervical dilation procedure which supposedly would help with future procedures that required a catheter to be pushed through my cervix. Supposedly. Well, let's just say that my endometrial biopsy was way more excruciating than an unmedicated egg retrieval. It took everything I had to hold it together while the doctor tried repeatedly to get the catheter threaded through my cervix. She even dropped one on the floor while trying. The second she finally left the room, I burst into tears. I had taken some ibuprofen prior to the procedure, but that did nothing for the pain I endured. My husband was at the appointment with me, but he had to leave from there to go to work, so I had to drive myself home. Tears sprang in my eyes at every bump in the road. I spent the rest of the day curled up on the couch in front of the fireplace. The pain and cramping pretty much subsided by the next day.
CD 10 was Wednesday and included an ultrasound and blood work. My E2 was up to 319. I was a bit concerned as my Lh was up to 17, but my largest follicle was only 13.5. I think the E2 was probably suppressing things a bit. My lining was lower than the same time of my previous cycle. It was 6.3 compared to 8 from last time. I'm guessing the endometrial biopsy likely played a role. My doctor had me start tamoxifen that night in addition to the estrace. I have had the strangest side effect from the estrace (or at least I'm attributing it to that) and food just does not taste good to me right now. I can tolerate most things, but some foods I would normally enjoy I find myself choking to get them down. We ate at a restaurant the other night and I had a dish I would normally devour. I ate about three bites of chicken and gagged on each one of them. I couldn't even eat the rice and I love rice.
Next monitoring will be tomorrow on CD 13 for another ultrasound and bloodwork. Originally when this cycle started we booked my flight out to California based upon how I have responded previously. Now we need to push it back. That could end up interfering with a lot of plans we had scheduled for the week of Thanksgiving. Hoping my body cooperates and is ready for trigger shot tomorrow night.
My doctor suggested trying another transfer after our recently failed cycle. His thought was my lining may not have been receptive enough for implantation. He suggested taking estrace and doing an endometrial biopsy on CD 5. Prior to this phone call my husband and I had discussed taking a break and instead do testing for immune issues. I know I have endometriosis and often times that can carry with it additional immune issues. We have decided to hold off on the immune testing and try one more transfer.
CD 3 my labs were off a bit. My E2 was really high at 145. Although, my antral follicle count bounced back up this month and was at a respectable 16. I started taking estrace twice a day.
CD 5 was endometrial biopsy. I have a history of cervical stenosis. The last time I had a laparoscopy for my endometriosis the doctor did a cervical dilation procedure which supposedly would help with future procedures that required a catheter to be pushed through my cervix. Supposedly. Well, let's just say that my endometrial biopsy was way more excruciating than an unmedicated egg retrieval. It took everything I had to hold it together while the doctor tried repeatedly to get the catheter threaded through my cervix. She even dropped one on the floor while trying. The second she finally left the room, I burst into tears. I had taken some ibuprofen prior to the procedure, but that did nothing for the pain I endured. My husband was at the appointment with me, but he had to leave from there to go to work, so I had to drive myself home. Tears sprang in my eyes at every bump in the road. I spent the rest of the day curled up on the couch in front of the fireplace. The pain and cramping pretty much subsided by the next day.
CD 10 was Wednesday and included an ultrasound and blood work. My E2 was up to 319. I was a bit concerned as my Lh was up to 17, but my largest follicle was only 13.5. I think the E2 was probably suppressing things a bit. My lining was lower than the same time of my previous cycle. It was 6.3 compared to 8 from last time. I'm guessing the endometrial biopsy likely played a role. My doctor had me start tamoxifen that night in addition to the estrace. I have had the strangest side effect from the estrace (or at least I'm attributing it to that) and food just does not taste good to me right now. I can tolerate most things, but some foods I would normally enjoy I find myself choking to get them down. We ate at a restaurant the other night and I had a dish I would normally devour. I ate about three bites of chicken and gagged on each one of them. I couldn't even eat the rice and I love rice.
Next monitoring will be tomorrow on CD 13 for another ultrasound and bloodwork. Originally when this cycle started we booked my flight out to California based upon how I have responded previously. Now we need to push it back. That could end up interfering with a lot of plans we had scheduled for the week of Thanksgiving. Hoping my body cooperates and is ready for trigger shot tomorrow night.
Friday, November 8, 2013
The Worst Part...
I remember how painful it was to lose our first little embryo over two years ago. The pain of knowing it didn't stick. Wondering if my body was yet again to blame. Many of the same feelings of grief, regret, and sadness have found their way back during our recent loss.
The first day of my period commencing the end of our chemical pregnancy I found myself in the bathroom with tears streaming down my face. The absolute worst part of losing a pregnancy so early is every time you go to the bathroom you can't help but wonder if that's the moment you're throwing your babies away...
The thought of that just kills me.
Rest assured, I'm actually doing pretty well considering all we've been through. It hurts that we lost two beautiful maybe babies. I tucked their pictures in the file with the picture from our last chemical pregnancy. It felt like I was closing another sad chapter on our journey.
My doctor called me Monday night to discuss our loss and what he suggested moving forward. He gave us a lot to think about and the rest of the evening was spent in deep discussion. We made some decisions and we are trying to move forward. I'll discuss our decision more later.
I've heard an expression before about how a good way to cheer yourself up is to help others in need. Well, there has been no shortage of me helping others. Between my family and my husband's family, I am up to my eyeballs with helping others. It feels frustrating at times. Our parents knew we were banking embryos. We didn't tell anyone we were doing a transfer. We wanted to be able to surprise everyone at Christmas. And now that we lost our little ones, I don't have the heart to tell our families. Perhaps there's a bit of selfishness. I sometimes find it exhausting to have to explain things to people that don't really get infertility. It also drives me crazy how often our parents tell us they "just know things will work". I've explained why that isn't helpful and is actually insulting, but they don't get it and I know they never will. I just don't want to hear them say they're sorry or see how much they're hurt by our loss. Or to risk hearing them say something well meaning, but offensive.Perhaps it's my way of trying to hang on to a little shred of dignity in this process.
The first day of my period commencing the end of our chemical pregnancy I found myself in the bathroom with tears streaming down my face. The absolute worst part of losing a pregnancy so early is every time you go to the bathroom you can't help but wonder if that's the moment you're throwing your babies away...
The thought of that just kills me.
Rest assured, I'm actually doing pretty well considering all we've been through. It hurts that we lost two beautiful maybe babies. I tucked their pictures in the file with the picture from our last chemical pregnancy. It felt like I was closing another sad chapter on our journey.
My doctor called me Monday night to discuss our loss and what he suggested moving forward. He gave us a lot to think about and the rest of the evening was spent in deep discussion. We made some decisions and we are trying to move forward. I'll discuss our decision more later.
I've heard an expression before about how a good way to cheer yourself up is to help others in need. Well, there has been no shortage of me helping others. Between my family and my husband's family, I am up to my eyeballs with helping others. It feels frustrating at times. Our parents knew we were banking embryos. We didn't tell anyone we were doing a transfer. We wanted to be able to surprise everyone at Christmas. And now that we lost our little ones, I don't have the heart to tell our families. Perhaps there's a bit of selfishness. I sometimes find it exhausting to have to explain things to people that don't really get infertility. It also drives me crazy how often our parents tell us they "just know things will work". I've explained why that isn't helpful and is actually insulting, but they don't get it and I know they never will. I just don't want to hear them say they're sorry or see how much they're hurt by our loss. Or to risk hearing them say something well meaning, but offensive.Perhaps it's my way of trying to hang on to a little shred of dignity in this process.
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
It's Over
The line on the hpts were getting darker. Then I noticed last evening that my symptoms disappeared. I had been having cramping and sore boobs. This morning I tested again and the line was very faint. I just got my blood results back. Progesterone had dropped and my HCG was 7. It should be 50. Chemical pregnancy. This sucks.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
HPT + !!!
3 Weeks 6 Days Pregnant!
Tested this morning. It would technically be 7 1/2 dp5dt.
Definite line today, don't even have to squint at it, although it's pretty light.
If only for a moment, WE ARE PREGNANT!!!
BEST. FEELING. EVER. !!!
Beta tomorrow - praying for a strong number!
Tested this morning. It would technically be 7 1/2 dp5dt.
Definite line today, don't even have to squint at it, although it's pretty light.
If only for a moment, WE ARE PREGNANT!!!
BEST. FEELING. EVER. !!!
Beta tomorrow - praying for a strong number!
Monday, October 28, 2013
7dp5dt ... Is That a Line ... ?! Maybe? Please?
3 Weeks 5 Days
I made the mistake of POAS very early yesterday morning. It was a BFN. I couldn't make a line appear no matter how hard I tried. The negative hurt. A lot. Later in the day I was talking it over with my husband. My transfer took place in the late afternoon - after 5:30pm my time here. So really, yesterday may have been 6dp5dt, but early in the morning was only 5 1/2 dp5dt.
My husband wanted me to test again this morning. I refused, saying I couldn't take another negative. I wanted to just wait until beta on Wednesday. He never wanted me to test in the first place. But then this afternoon he said he wanted me to test again. He said it was my fault for getting him hooked. Consider yourselves warned ladies - men can become POAS addicts, too! I finally relented and said I would consider it in the early evening, since that would be closer to an actual 7dp5dt.
We went to an afternoon movie to kill some time. I had used the bathroom before going and waited to get home before I went again. I so glamorously peed in a disposable birthday cup (it was all I could find!) and my husband took over from there. He actually kicked me out of our bathroom and made me wait in the kitchen. Initially when I walked out to the kitchen the tears were threatening to come, but I made myself choke it down and instead focused on sorting mail.
3 minutes went by...
5 minutes went by...
He finally came out and I was waiting for the I'm so sorry hug. Instead he said it looks like there might be a very faint line. It's hard to see. At first I was very skeptical. But sure enough, if you tip it at an angle under bright light, there is a ghost of a very faint pink second line. Enough of a line to make me stop and think, maybe, just maybe.
Of course hubby wants me to test again tomorrow...
I made the mistake of POAS very early yesterday morning. It was a BFN. I couldn't make a line appear no matter how hard I tried. The negative hurt. A lot. Later in the day I was talking it over with my husband. My transfer took place in the late afternoon - after 5:30pm my time here. So really, yesterday may have been 6dp5dt, but early in the morning was only 5 1/2 dp5dt.
My husband wanted me to test again this morning. I refused, saying I couldn't take another negative. I wanted to just wait until beta on Wednesday. He never wanted me to test in the first place. But then this afternoon he said he wanted me to test again. He said it was my fault for getting him hooked. Consider yourselves warned ladies - men can become POAS addicts, too! I finally relented and said I would consider it in the early evening, since that would be closer to an actual 7dp5dt.
We went to an afternoon movie to kill some time. I had used the bathroom before going and waited to get home before I went again. I so glamorously peed in a disposable birthday cup (it was all I could find!) and my husband took over from there. He actually kicked me out of our bathroom and made me wait in the kitchen. Initially when I walked out to the kitchen the tears were threatening to come, but I made myself choke it down and instead focused on sorting mail.
3 minutes went by...
5 minutes went by...
He finally came out and I was waiting for the I'm so sorry hug. Instead he said it looks like there might be a very faint line. It's hard to see. At first I was very skeptical. But sure enough, if you tip it at an angle under bright light, there is a ghost of a very faint pink second line. Enough of a line to make me stop and think, maybe, just maybe.
Of course hubby wants me to test again tomorrow...
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Did I Spot a Speck?
Earlier this evening I made a routine trip to the bathroom. I've been wearing liners to soak up the greasiness from the suppositories. I've had a few twinges over the past few days and have been looking to see if any implantation bleeding happened. Well, tonight it looks like I may have had a drop or two of spotting. The usually white suppository slime was tinged the lightest shade of brownish pink.
Perhaps from implantation?
I can only hope...
Perhaps from implantation?
I can only hope...
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