Am I Ready For This???

I'm learning the emotional roller-coaster most certainly does not end once you become pregnant.

We went from cautious optimism to feeling good about this pregnancy.

And now I'm starting to freak out about having a baby to care for in six months.

And it's possible I may have had a meltdown last night.

I can't be the only one to feel this way. We've spent so many years trying to get pregnant and that's what occupied my mind. I spent little to no time thinking about what happens when a baby actually shows up - the idea of us finally having a baby seemed so foreign.

Our families have been pestering us about what they can get for the baby - and although it's really sweet of them - I'm just not ready for some of that stuff. We talked about it earlier this week and decided we should start a registry before our parents start buying stuff we don't want. I set one up and added just a few things before I had a near panic attack. I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing and no business doing it.

Morning sickness is finally letting up and I have not felt her moving yet; so I think there's a disconnect in logically knowing I'm pregnant and having any tangible proof. I would assume it makes it more real when I start to feel movement, or at least make it a little harder to be in denial.

I wonder if it will be a little more challenging for us to transition to having a baby after being just the two of us for so long. The one good thing infertility has done is strengthen our marriage and I know together we will figure out this whole expecting a baby thing. Even if it is a bit scary to think about right now.

BEST. DAY. EVER.

12 weeks tomorrow.

Today we found out our DAUGHTER is chromosomally NORMAL!!!

Beyond blessed!

It Doesn't Matter

When you're in the trenches of infertility and someone complains about their pregnancy you want to strangle the person. You vow to never be like them and to appreciate every time you feel sick and throw up.

And then you get pregnant.

And it doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter how many years it took and how much heartache you went through.

When you're vomiting for the third time in a row and you pull a muscle in your neck from vomiting so hard and you're pretty sure part of a cheerio is now lodged in the back of your nose, it doesn't matter. You're completely miserable and all you want is for it to stop. Or at least let up enough for you to take a shower. And you finally understand and appreciate why pregnant women complain.

Morning sickness sucks. And it was really awful for a couple of weeks. More recently I've had the occasional few hours break from feeling like complete crap. I am very much looking forward to the end of morning sickness - if I'm lucky it will be done in a few more weeks.

I'm also ready to be done with the PIO shots. I hate them with a passion. They seemed to get a little better after the first couple of weeks, however, the past several days my butt is just done. My husband has run out of places to stab me where it doesn't hurt. 

It doesn't matter how miserable I've been lately - I would do it all again for our baby. I am so incredibly in love with our little one. 

7w4d

We had another perfect ultrasound today! Baby measured one day ahead and had a heart rate of 160!!

I also had my first OB appointment today. It was so surreal going through that appointment. Everyone we spoke with at the clinic was so incredibly supportive and happy for us. They know our history and they seem almost as excited as we are!! The nurse gave me a really big hug when she came to get me from the waiting room. Crazy to think of all we've been through the past five years and what a relief to finally be receiving good news.

Other good news from my appointment is the massive cyst on my right ovary ruptured. Over the weekend I had some sharp pains around the ovary and I felt really sick - in addition to the nausea my stomach hurt all day long. Morning sickness has been a little less the past couple of days so the timing of the pain and feeling really sick point toward the cyst rupturing over the weekend. I'm just so thankful we don't have to worry about it anymore.

Next OB appt is five weeks from now. Next ultrasound is in a week. I'm really going to miss the weekly peeks when they come to an end.

Oh. And my husband had the nerve to ask my OB when the mood swings will stop. I don't know who wanted to smack him more, me or her. She did say it is common for infertility patients to have more anxiety. I'm trying to just focus on the positives and I am enjoying this as much as possible.

We Have a Heartbeat!!

6weeks4days

We had another ultrasound today. Baby measured at 6.5mm. Heartbeat was measured twice and showed 114 and 119 bpm!! I spoke with the nurse for my local OB. She said those measurements all looked great and I'm scheduled for my first OB appointment next week!

I was so freaking nervous this morning. I woke up at 4am and could not fall back to sleep. I was almost shaking by the time I got up on the table. I couldn't even look when the tech was first looking. And then there it was - the flickering heartbeat clear as can be! I made the mistake of reading a bit online and thinking that the heartbeat needed to be over 120 so I was freaked out at first when the first reading was 114. But after speaking with the nurse and doing more research in medical journals I'm feeling much better about things and know I'm in the normal range.

Seeing the heartbeat today has definitely made things more real. Of course we're not out of the woods yet, but having a heartbeat today dropped our miscarriage rate by a lot. And for now I'm going with the positive knowing that we have well over a 90% chance of bringing this baby home!

ONE! Perfect Baby

5weeks4days

First ultrasound today showed one perfect little baby!

Ultrasound next week should show a heartbeat!

I can't remember the last time I was so happy!

BEST. DAY. EVER!!!

Second Beta Results

We needed to see a level of 664 today.

It was 1380!!!

9dp5dt ~ 166
13dp5dt ~ 1380

Shit just got real!!

I'll eventually update more later. I've been walking on a cloud since Friday and now I really can't concentrate on anything!