Close Call

The emotional shock has slowly been wearing off. The reality of our situation has been sinking in a little more each day. Two days ago it hit me how close we came to a very disastrous situation. I never had any obvious signs of an ectopic. No cramping, no bleeding, and no one-sided sharp pains. Had we not been monitoring this pregnancy with early ultrasounds there would not have been any warning of an impending rupture. When I finally went in for surgery the doctor said my tube was already starting to rupture - there was already bleeding going on. She was shocked I still wasn't having any symptoms. They even asked me on the OR table before I went under if I was having any symptoms and I wasn't. Makes a person think about the what-ifs....

I have been struggling with the loss of our baby. I know an ectopic is not viable and we did what absolutely needed to be done, but I still struggle with the loss. My husband who has been so close by my side had a thoughtful way of putting our situation into perspective for me. He said with this ectopic he was either going to lose both of us or one of us. And he's happy I'm still here by his side. Why yes, I did dissolve into tears hearing that.

There is no way to even begin to make sense of our loss. It's one of those very unfortunate things that can happen. All we can do is be thankful for the time we had with our little one and start picking up the pieces to move forward. This baby gave us hope. We have hope that we still have a chance of someday having a healthy baby. Even in the depths of our sorrow we can still look forward to our future. For now we will grieve, and when we're ready, we'll start working towards our next baby.