Perfect

We had our 20 week ultrasound last week.

Baby Girl measured perfectly! It still doesn't seem real most days, even with all of her kicking and my growing belly. I'm trying to trust in this pregnancy more and more. It certainly helps to hear she's doing perfectly every time we go in for an appointment. A little over 18 weeks to go! 

My first baby shower is in a little over a month. I've been trying to put together a registry and it's painfully slow going. During my years of infertility I tried to figure out why I was infertile and why there is so much more of it these days. There's not one specific thing, but a likely culprit is all the chemicals we're exposed to everyday. I have been trying to find low chemical options for baby gear. It's darn near impossible unless you can afford to spend an insane amount of money. We've decided to at least try to get the best we can for the things she will spend the most time in - such as her crib, crib mattress, crib sheets, car seat, and a few other smaller things. It at least makes me feel like I'm doing something. So much to do and so little time to get it all done. She's going to be here before I know it!

Cold - Day 21 and Counting...

I am so over this darn cold.

Last weekend I finally felt a little better on Sunday. Even went to the neighbors to watch some of the Super Bowl. I got home and was tired so I started getting ready for bed. About 10pm I started having chills. I took my temp and it was under 98. I took a quick warm shower and put some warm jammies on and crawled into bed. It went downhill from there. And quickly. Body aches returned and the chills turned into uncontrollable shivering. I was having Braxton hicks whenever I had a coughing fit and on top of the body aches the pain was getting unbearable. About 1am I took my temp again and it had spiked to over 102. I of course freaked out and called my husband who was working the night shift at the hospital. He went down to the ER and asked the ER doc's opinion. The consensus was I should really come in with a temp that high and not being able to take Tylenol. My husband was having a busy night so it was over an hour before he was able to come pick me up. While I was waiting I did everything I could to lower my temp - I stripped naked and drank ice water and used cold compresses. By the time I finally got to the ER my temp had dropped two degrees so thankfully it didn't stay high for very long. The first thing they checked was baby's heartbeat and it was 163, so despite my misery, she was doing well. They checked for a bladder infection which I thankfully didn't have, but it did show I was a little dehydrated so they gave me two liters of fluid. After the first bag of fluids I started throwing up. Baby must have had enough at that point because she was kicking pretty good - certainly didn't help with the vomiting! So they gave me zofran too and after all of that I started to feel a little better. I asked if there was anything I could take for pain and there wasn't. At least the fluids helped a bit. The ER doc also put me on antibiotics. Since my cold had gotten better and then worse it was highly possible I had picked up a bacteria infection along the way. Finally got home a bit after 7am and spent most of the day sleeping. I took my last dose of antibiotics today and I am finally feeling better. I'm still coughing, but not nearly as hard and much less frequent. Still a bit tired, but I suppose that's to be expected.

The Never-Ending Cold

We are officially halfway through this pregnancy! 

Although, my joy has been squashed by a nasty cold virus. I'm on day 15 of feeling like crap. It started with a sore throat and turned into a yucky cold with all the congestion, drainage, and coughing. I did my best to use approved cold meds as little as possible. About 10 days after the start of my cold I was finally feeling a little better. For about two days. Then I started coughing and wheezing - likely bronchitis. Then today I started having full body aches, fatigue, and running a low grade fever in the upper 99s. I started crying in the shower today because I don't remember the last time I felt so miserable. I would take morning sickness over this. I'm having a hard time coping with the physical pain. I have a significant Tylenol allergy (of all things!) so I don't have anything available for the pain. During my sore throat and cold I would take warm showers, but now with the low fever I can't really do that. I was desperate earlier today and used my heating pad on my neck on the lowest setting for a few minutes. Everything hurts. Even the cold toilet seat hurts so I've just been hovering or covering it with toilet paper. Thankfully baby girl seems to be doing well. She is still kicking and flipping around in there as much as normal. I suppose one positive is she's getting the antibodies from this cold. I called my OB yesterday and was told to watch for a fever closer to 101 and chills. I just really hope I turn a corner soon. Colds suck. 

Baby Kicks

I had to document tonight. I went to bed a little bit ago. My husband was still up working in his office. I started to really feel baby move. I thought I was also feeling it a bit from the outside, but wasn't sure. I called him in to the room and he put his hand on my belly. Baby girl went nuts kicking against his hand and he was able to feel it!!! I'm blown away how early in my pregnancy we were able to feel this. I'm 16weeks2days. The first bloops I ever felt were at 14weeks1day. Then it was over a week before I felt another bloop. I had a really obvious bloop this afternoon. And then nothing until I came to bed. I can't believe how quickly I went from hardly anything to both of us being able to feel her. Just an amazing feeling!! And my husband is already being the over protective daddy. When he decided he had enough he told me to leave 'his' baby alone - that we had pestered her enough for the day. 😊 Love love LOVE this stage of pregnancy!!

Infertility Wounds Run Deep

Two years ago I was incredibly lucky to meet and become friends with an amazing woman who battled infertility herself. She's now in her 50's with three adult children. She went through about ten years of infertility on and off. We've had many conversations over time and one that has always stuck with me is when she said the wounds of infertility run deep and they're permanent. Over time the wounds scab over, but they'll always be there. Sometimes this can be a blessing - if you do end up with children you never forget how wanted they are. And other times it can be a burden - happy moments are interrupted by a fleeting thought that reminds you there are no guarantees in life.

Today I finally started taking down all the Christmas decorations. It was bitter sweet. For the first time in years I felt we had a reason to really be happy over the holidays. Goodness knows our baby girl is already getting spoiled - she received many ornaments for Christmas and we also picked up a few expecting ones as well. As I was packing them away, the dark thought crossed my mind -what if something happens and we still don't have a baby next year and I have to then come across all these ornaments. I had to stop and tell myself to stop thinking like that. I had to remind myself we have a 99% chance of bringing home our beautiful baby girl in less than six months.

I'm at a strange spot in my pregnancy. Morning sickness (knock on wood) is pretty much gone. My belly continues to grow - my husband has finally called it a belly. I've even felt baby a couple of times - just a few tiny little bloops. Even with all of these signs, my mind seems to be struggling with the fact we have a baby coming. And soon. It still seems so crazy to me after all these years and all our losses, this is really happening. I find myself looking at my belly and shaking my head in disbelief that I'm actually looking at MY belly for once.

Am I Ready For This???

I'm learning the emotional roller-coaster most certainly does not end once you become pregnant.

We went from cautious optimism to feeling good about this pregnancy.

And now I'm starting to freak out about having a baby to care for in six months.

And it's possible I may have had a meltdown last night.

I can't be the only one to feel this way. We've spent so many years trying to get pregnant and that's what occupied my mind. I spent little to no time thinking about what happens when a baby actually shows up - the idea of us finally having a baby seemed so foreign.

Our families have been pestering us about what they can get for the baby - and although it's really sweet of them - I'm just not ready for some of that stuff. We talked about it earlier this week and decided we should start a registry before our parents start buying stuff we don't want. I set one up and added just a few things before I had a near panic attack. I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing and no business doing it.

Morning sickness is finally letting up and I have not felt her moving yet; so I think there's a disconnect in logically knowing I'm pregnant and having any tangible proof. I would assume it makes it more real when I start to feel movement, or at least make it a little harder to be in denial.

I wonder if it will be a little more challenging for us to transition to having a baby after being just the two of us for so long. The one good thing infertility has done is strengthen our marriage and I know together we will figure out this whole expecting a baby thing. Even if it is a bit scary to think about right now.

BEST. DAY. EVER.

12 weeks tomorrow.

Today we found out our DAUGHTER is chromosomally NORMAL!!!

Beyond blessed!