IVF #9 Learned Something New

You know how some people stop keeping track of their birthdays? I'm thinking I should stop keeping track of my cycles...it's depressing.

Well, looks like I have a little cyst hanging around. Dealing with cysts is something new for me. There was a larger one last cycle that I canceled, but I didn't think much of it since we didn't go ahead with the cycle. Baseline showed a 14mm cyst which I've come to learn is relatively small. FSH was 17.2 and E2 was <20. My AFC was at its lowest ever at 8, but since we're not going for large quantities of eggs I'm willing to move forward with the cycle. After some internet digging it seems to be common to have fewer antral follicles on a cycle when you have a cyst. I know it fluctuates, so I'm not too worried at this point.

Orders are to take half a tab of clomid daily and I'll do two booster shots of gonal F on CD 6 and 8. I monitor again on CD 9.

We need to decide soon on which cycle package to go with. Prior to having my last cycle canceled and now dealing with a cyst, we were leaning towards the two cycle package, but now I'm wondering if we shouldn't go with the three cycle. If I could choose how things worked I would get at least 2-3 high quality blasts this cycle, and then transfer after taking a month off. But as a back-up, if this cycle doesn't end with good blasts, then we would bank again before transferring, which is why I was leaning towards the two cycle package. But now that this cycle is looking a little iffy, I wonder if we shouldn't go with the three cycle package just in case. I just don't know what to do and my husband is of no help whatsoever. He's given me the "whatever you think is best" meaning he hasn't put much thought into it and he doesn't want to get blamed if the outcome isn't what we hoped for. He is a great support, but sometimes, I just wish he had more of an opinion.

All You Need To Do Is Ask

I went in for an acupuncture session yesterday. My period still had not shown up. Apparently there are some points they can do to help get things moving. Well. It worked. Almost too well.

The moment I arrived home from acupuncture I had an intense hotflash for a good 15minutes. Ten hours after my session and my period arrived in full force. It has been awhile since a period has made me so uncomfortable. I was lucky if I had more than a couple hours of sleep last night. I really, really hate having to take anything for pain so I tried to do my best without it. Finally about 4am I couldn't take it anymore and caved and took two ibuprofen. Thankfully it helped me get a little bit more sleep when it kicked in. Still having some pretty noticeable cramping, but nothing a heating pad and a nap won't fix. I have my baseline scheduled for tomorrow morning.

Please let IVF #9 be a good one. Please.

Any Day Now Would Be Good

Impatiently waiting for my period to show up. I finished my two weeks of birth control. I actually stopped it a day early on Friday hoping to get things going quicker. The clinic is closed Friday for the holiday and I really don't want to deal with trying to get in to the walk-in clinic for my baseline monitoring. I had a few hints of cramping yesterday, so hoping!

My stress and anxiety have been not so great lately. I think I'm just fearful of things not going well. And of course the horrible miscarriage nightmares are certainly not helping. It's pretty awful waking up from one of those in a cold sweat and having heart palpitations. I've been trying to keep myself occupied to keep my mind from wandering. I've also come pretty close to the end of having things to research. When you've been doing IVF for as long as I have it is possible to finally have researched 'enough'. I'm sure that's contributing to my stress. All I can do anymore is wait and hope and pray things are finally going to work out.

Too Many Things to Remember

I did my trigger shot and started the birth control. A day late. Ooops. It's been so many years since I was last on a daily birth control pill that I just can't seem to remember to take the damn thing. I have a hard enough time remember to take all my supplements and vitamins every day. It's somewhat comical how ditzy I am trying to remember to take it. I suppose since I know it's only for two weeks my mind just decided to not take it seriously. Oh well. Only 9 more days to go. I have noticed that it seems to be giving me dry mouth that starts about half an hour after I take it and then lasts for an hour or two. I don't remember having that symptom before. But of course, when has my body ever acted normal. I'm guessing in about two weeks I'll be ready for baseline monitoring again. It would be really awesome if my body cooperates and I have good numbers. We shall see.

Resetting

I had a phone chat with my doctor last night. His thoughts are my body is a little confused yet since my miscarriage. My hormones and ultrasound make my body seem as though yesterday was more like cycle day 10 or 11 instead of cycle day 3. So I'm going to do a lupron trigger on Thursday this week and then on Saturday start taking birth control pills for two weeks. Hopefully this will reset my body and get my follicles and hormones back on track. My plan was to just wait another month, but I do like this more proactive approach. I know for some women with DOR birth control can be suppressing, but since it's only two weeks I'm willing to try it. And I can't remember having much of an issue in the past. This delay is very frustrating, but it's just one more step in our journey. I'm hoping my next cycle goes much better.

IVF #8 Canceled

And it's over before it barely got started. Frustrating.

I had my baseline appointment today. E2 was 151 Fsh was 4.7. The biggest problem was two lead follicles, one on each ovary - a 14 and 16. The third biggest follicle was only 6, so no chance of it or any of the smaller ones catching up. I called my clinic in California and had them cancel the cycle before the doctor even reviewed my test results. I asked to be put on the callback list tonight. I just can't foresee pushing forward on a cycle that will likely yield only 2 follicles. My last two mini cycles I had 9 and 5 follicles in the running. This cycle would be just fine for a natural cycle, but it's not what we're going for.

I wondered about this cycle. The last week I felt as though my hormones were way off. I was so ridiculously crabby - like being on lupron for endo crabby. And my basal temps were half a degree lower than normal. And I had an awful period - painful and tons of large clots. I did some castor oil packs this last month and while they're supposed to be cleansing, I wonder if it somehow played a role. Or maybe my hormones are still resetting from my miscarriage. Either way, my gut instinct is telling me to cancel, so I'm going to listen.

So I'm benched until next month. If my cycles continue their 26 day consistency my CD 2 monitoring will fall on July 4...guessing the clinic is closed so I will likely have to go through the walk-in clinic. I had to do it back in November, and while it worked out, it wasn't ideal. I had a huge go-around with the lab tech on releasing the results to me even though it is on the order for me to call the lab.

I just want to move forward already. It's been over a year since we started treatments again and it doesn't feel like we're any closer to having a baby. I know it's best to wait for optimal hormone conditions, but it still sucks waiting. I've been very careful with my diet since at least September and while I don't mind it, sometimes I just really want a little bit of junk food. Or dessert. Or a beer. It's funny how last spring/summer when I was drinking beer several times a week and indulging in the occasional dessert or junk food my hormones were in much better shape...maybe that's the key!

IVF #8 ... Yikes!

We're getting awfully close to double digit IVF cycles...

We have decided it's time to start doing treatments again. I go in for my baseline appointment on Monday morning. It will be interesting to see my hormone levels. We are doing a mini banking cycle this month. I'm guessing I will be on a little bit of clomid and do the Lupron trigger. Depending on how big my follicles start out I could possibly be spending our 5 year anniversary in California alone. I already spent Valentines' Day out there by myself. Oh well, my husband has to work on our anniversary anyways. We had always wanted to do an awesome trip at the five year mark, but thanks to IVF and other major expenses, that won't be happening. Our new goal is to do something big for our 10 year.

I've had a lot of anxiety the past couple of weeks. Not sure if it's still grief or fear about cycling again.  This will be my fifth egg retrieval and fourth trip to California alone, so I don't think that's the issue. I'm guessing I'm just fearful after having our last cycle end so horribly. I've always thought I had a good grasp on all the possible what ifs, but our ectopic caught me so off guard I think it's messing with my mind right now. I'm trying to stay calm and keep myself occupied.

Let's end this post with a funny story that only infertiles can relate to. My husband flew out to California about a week ago to freeze another sample. When he went to check out at the front desk the receptionist commented, "that was quick!" He said she was immediately embarrassed from blurting that out and stumbled over her words trying to cover. He just shook his head.